Male Pastor Privilege
by Amanda Hawley
“When we identify where our privilege intersects with somebody else’s oppression, we’ll find our opportunities to make real change.”
- Ijeoma Oluo
What is privilege, and what does it have to do with women clergy?
Privilege is unearned access or advantages granted to specific groups of people because of their membership in a social group.
In 2012, the NAD Ministerial Association hosted the first ever Women’s Clergy Conference. Female pastors and chaplains from all over the NAD territory gathered to worship and fellowship. Female clergy prayed together, counseled and encouraged one another, listened to and equipped one another. But what could not be planned was the internal renewal that occurs when you realize you are not the “only one.” In between the planned sessions and free time, these clergy members were able to share their complete, uncensored, and raw stories to other clergy who truly understood.
As the authentic stories of daily lived experiences were shared, what emerged was an awareness that while on the surface, the tasks of pastoring seem the same regardless of gender, but when it comes to execution, it’s a totally different experience for the women who are engaged in the work. On paper, female names are written among male names as employees, but navigating the ministry terrain of pastoral assignments and movements, office and committee appointments, networking and building collegial relationships proves to be a unique and greater challenge to women for numerous reasons. And perhaps the most significant thing to arise from the shared stories is that the majority of our male colleagues are clueless of the altogether different experience that women have as clergypersons. In fact, most of them don’t appear to give much thought to how the pastoral experience would be different for women.
Allow me to share an example of this fact. Some time ago I asked a pastoral colleague to teach me how to play Rook. When he recovered from his shock that I did not know how to play, he inquired as to why I wanted to learn. I explained to him that I have to be very careful and strategic about creating safe spaces to bond with older male colleagues. I was certain that Rook would be an ideal tool because this is an activity that men often share with women. I am mindful that I have to be careful that I do not place myself in a compromising position with an unmarried man; even one that could be misconstrued or misunderstood. I am also careful that the wives of my colleagues and members know that my interest is simply ministry-oriented. While I am aware that this same dynamic exists for men, it has additional, complicated layers for women. Where men are often given the benefit of the doubt in these matters, women usually are not. Also, these types of scenarios can pose an additional level of physical safety risk for women clergy.
I don’t have the luxury of getting these types of things wrong. Male pastors don’t live with that tension nearly as much. That’s one of the privileges of being a male pastor. There’s a lot less to second-guess about. It is because of these types of differences that spaces like the Women’s Clergy Retreat are necessary. I had the opportunity to attend the retreat in 2016 and 2018. Sadly, I will not be able to attend the upcoming retreat because of an important personal matter that is beyond my control. However, it pains me to miss such an important event. This is a special time for women clergy to be recharged and reaffirmed. Whereas male pastors’ leadership, pastoral skill, and decision-making abilities are regularly scrutinized, that scrutiny pales in comparison to the (oftentimes) degrading, humiliating, and disrespectful microaggressions that are commonplace for women who serve.
It’s what I call a first-class accommodation for the NAD to make these kinds of arrangements for us to fellowship, reflect, pray, learn, and grow. I’m honored to be a part of the circle of women who are committed to living out this sacred calling. I hope that we can continue to find creative and meaningful ways to come alongside all women clergy to equip them according to the unique challenges we face everyday.
Amanda Hawley, M.Div., pastors the Breath of Life Fellowship Church in Stamford, CT.
