Forgiveness and Loving Well in Cases of Abuse: a Brief Interview with the Authors

The topic of the July 2021 issue of the Journal of Family Research and Practice is forgiveness. One of the 11 articles titled “Forgiveness and Loving Well in Cases of Abuse: a Biblical Perspective” was written by Sarah McDugal and Kensley Behel. I asked McDugal and Behel a few questions about their article and included their answers here. You’ll find a link to their article after the interview.

What are some blind spots you’ve noticed in pastors who aren’t willing or aren’t able to address abuse in a healthy way?

There remains a deep misunderstanding in religious communities that conflates forgiveness with immediate reintegration. As a community, it is common to worry about the perpetrator's soul in exchange for the safety of his or her victims. Many people don't know that Ellen White's counsel on abuse was for the perpetrator to walk his or her way to heaven alone. And rather than accept this, we have more often than not seen pastors and Adventist leaders double down. Instead of increasing our standards, our church has been willing to settle for the bare minimum, which may (or more often, does not) protect the vulnerable. 

Pastors and administrators often simply check with legal to make sure their response to a situation is defensible, and once legal has cleared them, that’s where the action ends. Shepherds are not called to protect the sheep at the bare minimum of legal defensibility, however. We are called to the standard of moral integrity and Christlike compassion for the vulnerable and downtrodden, which is a far higher standard than “will this get us sued?” 

Another blind spot is that pastors are often excessively confident that they can spot the problems and quickly discern which party is the abuser in a given situation. Unfortunately, in these situations, pastors very often get it wrong and end up supporting the manipulative abuser who presents like a victim, while shunning and ostracizing the actual victim. Our pastors are generally not educated on the systems and tools of abuse, and they lack the healthy self-doubt that would keep them asking questions and pursuing a better understanding of the safety issues in any given scenario. 

Is there anything you’d wished you’d had time to unpack in this article?

I (Kensley) certainly wish we could have presented more case studies. I feel that stories are the most powerful form of communication. 

I (Sarah) agree; however the imperative of protecting victim safety quite often prevents sharing the most compelling stories.

Knowing that local church pastors will read your article, is there anything in particular in your article that you want to encourage them to be attentive to?

Abuse is everywhere. It's in every church. It's in every sport. And, to turn a blind eye and pretend, "it could never happen in our congregation," is both ignorant and dangerous. I (Kensley) will not mince my words here. A place where pastors can help mitigate the effects of abuse is by not contributing to double abuse. Our article outlines that many victims and survivors experience more trauma from double abuse than the initial offense. Double abuse occurs when individuals in power possess the opportunity to report or end the abuse but choose not to do so, or when well-meaning helpers unwittingly offer harmful, damaging advice that worsens the victim’s situation or endangers their safety. This is a critical area for pastors and other leadership personnel to understand, and to not replicate. 

I (Sarah) want pastors to be attentive to the fact that they are personal, trusted friends with someone who is sexually, physically, or psychologically abusing the women in his life — and it may very well be a fellow pastor or one of their favorite lay leaders. Statistically speaking, it’s a guarantee. When issues arise or reports are made, they MUST set aside personal attachments to avoid impeding due process, and they have to recognize that just because they have experienced someone as pleasant and disarming does not mean the person is incapable of harming someone else. Their primary obligation before God is to protect the lambs, not defend those who are harming the lambs.

Here are three additional resources:

1) The 4 Tools Framework: this is an online course created by a pastor, for church leaders, to educate them on the tools of abuse so that they can handle situations more wisely.

2) Wilderness to WILD and TraumaMAMAs App provide free online support for abused women. Pastors can share these with church members who may need them. There are also free educational posters and awareness resources that can be placed in church bathrooms and other areas of the church building.

You’ll find “Forgiveness and Loving Well in Cases of Abuse: a Biblical Perspective” starting on page 99 of the Journal of Family Research and Practice (Vol. 1, Issue 1 | July 2021). Click here to download and read it for yourself.

Michaela Lawrence Jeffery pastors the Athens Georgia Seventh-day Advnetist Church and is the managing editor for this newsletter.