Breaking Free From Secret Sexual Sin

Real character transformation requires community.

I first encountered adult content at the young age of 13. To a recent adolescent, the material was thrilling—all the benefits of supposed intimacy without the hurdles of commitment. I was not very confident in myself at that age and approaching girls seemed to me an insurmountable task. At church, I was told this type of content wasn’t appropriate, but no one ever explained why in a way that truly resonated with me. Preachers stated that it was a sin. Yet, no leader ever approached us as young men to help us understand the changes we were experiencing. No one offered guidance on how to navigate shifting hormones or develop a biblically accurate view of intimacy. In Nicaragua, where I grew up, discussions on the topic of sexuality only surfaced at youth retreats. At home, my parents assumed that, as Adventists, I wouldn’t be interested in it.

Yet, my engagement with this content continued well beyond my teenage years. After moving to the United States, attending Southern Adventist University, and later into my first years of pastoring, I carried that shame with me—a cycle of dependence that resurfaced in my life. I watched it, felt guilty, and denounced it until I went to it again when I felt vulnerable and restarted the process. It wasn’t until I decided to surrender that I was finally able to break free. But before I share a happy ending, I want to reflect on two key reasons why I struggled to let go.

Education

One of the biggest reasons I struggled to break free was the lack of clear education surrounding the topic. Southern and Andrews had resources on these matters. Some of my courses featured modules on sexuality, pornography, and other sexual sins. However, most of it was academic, an understanding of what the Corinthians went through or a discussion on the effects of sexual immorality in ecclesial and relational contexts. This information wasn’t experiential. I wish that my professors brought victims of sexual abuse or tried to reach out to actors who left the industry as a way to reinforce the teaching that they provided. As a young man, it felt as if I was left to figure things out alone. 

Without proper guidance, I found myself stuck in a cycle: curiosity turned into habit, habit into dependence, and dependence into shame. When I finally reached a breaking point and decided that I was done repeating the same mistakes, I sought out resources within our denomination. At the time, New Freedom to Love, an Adventist series addressing pornography, had yet to be released. This led me to external sources, particularly Fight the New Drug. Diving into their research and personal stories, I began to understand the full impact of what I was consuming. Pornography was not only damaging from a neurobiological perspective but also in terms of exploitation, relationships, and self-worth.

However, education alone wasn’t enough. Information changed my understanding, but it didn’t change my behavior overnight. What I truly needed was accountability, the next key factor in breaking free.

Accountability

From ages 13 to 23, I struggled to break free. I prayed, set boundaries, and committed to periods of self-discipline. Some efforts worked, for a time. I once went 385 days without slipping, convinced I had overcome the battle, only to find myself back in the same cycle. It wasn’t a daily fight, but when I did fall back, the struggle lasted for weeks, sometimes months. 

One of the turning points came when I was appointed as a youth pastor. This new responsibility felt like a calling to finally align my actions with the values I had long aspired to live by. The appointment served as a catalyst. I believed this was my chance to fully commit to breaking free. I had the privilege of serving at the Spanish church in Berrien Springs while studying at the seminary. Between church responsibilities and academic demands, I was so occupied that the struggle faded into the background. Until it didn’t. A certain winter happened to be more difficult emotionally for me, and I found myself again chained to my screen.

At the seminary, someone introduced me to the Journey to Wholeness program. During this time, the 12-step framework became an invaluable resource offering structure, accountability, and support. This, I believe, is the heart of true discipleship, the kind Jesus called us to cultivate in our churches. Looking back on my formative years, I realize how much I was immersed in church life. I attended services, joined events, sang in worship, and praised alongside fellow believers. Yet, despite all of that, no one ever walked me through how to build a solid foundation in my faith. No one taught me how to pray in a way that felt personal, how to seek help when I was struggling, or how to develop a faith that could withstand life’s challenges.

Most of my church leaders, professors, and friends assumed I was a competent Adventist. I appeared to be after all. I knew the doctrines and the right answers. Yet, I struggled in silence.

Breaking free was never going to be a solo endeavor. It required community, vulnerability, and the willingness to let others into my journey. And as I began to embrace that truth, I finally stepped toward lasting change.

Conclusion

Looking back, I see that my journey wasn’t just about breaking free from sin. It was about finding healing, embracing vulnerability, and learning how to walk in faith with honesty and integrity. For years, I believed that sheer willpower would be enough, that if I just tried harder, I could overcome the cycle alone. But the real transformation didn’t come through isolation. It came through surrender, education, and accountability.

Healing starts when we stop hiding. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, admit our struggles, and seek the support we need. The church has a powerful role to play. When education and accountability become foundational pillars in our faith communities, we create spaces where people can truly understand Adventism. Not just as a set of doctrines, but as a way to live in freedom, grace, and connection.

Jose Briones is the stewardship and digital content creator for the Rocky Mountain Conference.