10 Ways to Make Your Sermons Boring and Forgettable

by Gamal T. Alexander

If you’ve ever wondered how to turn your sermons into a surefire cure for insomnia, you’ve come to the right place. Over the last 20 years, I have been privileged to preach the gospel as well as share best practices on how to preach effectively. However, when it comes to preaching sermons that are boring and forgettable, I also have a lot to say! My daughters Eve and Terri will tell you that I’ve preached more than my fair share of yawn-worthy sermons, and if you’re interested in following suit, I invite you to keep reading.

Disclaimer: You may also learn a good bit about what NOT to do when it comes to preaching. I suspect your congregation will be grateful!

So let's have some fun!  Here are foolproof (or foolish, depending on your perspective) strategies to make your sermons boring and utterly forgettable.

1. Neglect Prayer: Who Needs It Anyway?

Prayer is overrated, right? You've got a Bible and a brain – what more do you need? Skip the earnest petitions for divine inspiration and rely solely on your intellectual prowess. Use the Bible as a grab-bag of ideas rather than a sacred text, and by all means, don’t ask God about ANYTHING! By doing so, your sermon will lack the spiritual power that touches hearts, ensuring it’s as forgettable as last week's shopping list. This is perfect for any preacher aiming for a snooze-fest!

2. Forget Your Focus: Cover Everything at Once

Why focus on a single topic when you can cover everything under the sun in one go? The Bible is the Word of God, is it not? That means everything in it is fair game. So preach whatever comes to mind…IN THE SAME SERMON! Why bother with a “big idea” when you can share lots of good ideas? In doing so you’ll be sure to lose your congregation's attention. Instead of making clear, impactful points, cram in a plethora of unrelated ideas. Preach as if you will never have an opportunity to speak again. By overwhelming your listeners with disconnected information, you guarantee they’ll walk away without a single takeaway; ensuring maximum boredom.

3. Be Great: Don’t Relate

Austin, TX, is known for its “Keep Austin Weird” motto – a sentiment that should inspire your preaching style. Aim to deliver a sermon that reads more like a theological dissertation than a relatable message. Avoid addressing everyday life with practical applications of God’s Word. Instead, dive into abstract theories and intricate debates about doctrine. Your people won’t care much about what you’re preaching, which is what we’re aiming for anyway, right?  This approach ensures your sermon is a great intellectual exercise, but simultaneously, a dreadful bore for your congregation.

4. Sidestep Substance: Preach “The Sermon About Nothing”

When it comes to a forgettable sermon, you would do well to avoid substance altogether. The hit TV show “Seinfeld” was “A show about nothing.”  Your sermon should follow suit. Talk about topics that have no eternal significance. Avoid challenging your congregation or teaching scripture with any real substance. By focusing on trivial matters or repeating the same shallow topics, you’ll ensure your sermon is quickly forgotten and lacks any impact on your listeners’ lives.

Some tips on perfecting the “Seinfeld” method:

• Start preparing late: This leaves you less time for serious study.

• Avoid character and controversy: Don’t challenge anyone.

• Neglect biblical teaching: It’s just too much work.

5. Put the Passion Away: No One Wants To See You Care

Passion in preaching? Who needs it?  If it doesn’t matter to you, it won’t matter to them. A passionless sermon is a guaranteed route to dullness. Avoid showing any fascination with Jesus or His teachings. Remember, if you don’t burn with enthusiasm, your congregation won’t notice. By maintaining a lackluster attitude, you can ensure that your message is as boring as possible.

6. Don’t Change, Stay the Same: Repetition is Key

It’s been said that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity, but we don’t mind a bit of insanity when it comes to pulpit proclamation. So keep using the same style. Cover the same subjects. Stick with the same predictable applications. Those will work great for what we are trying to accomplish. When preaching, never vary your tone, volume, or cadence. If you’re loud, keep shouting! If you’re soft-spoken, maintain that lullaby tone. Monotony is key to a boring experience.

7. Steer Clear of Illustrations: They Work!

Illustrations are dangerous. They familiarize the unfamiliar, simplify the complex, and make your points memorable. If you’re aiming for a boring sermon, then avoid illustrations like the plague. They only serve to break up the monotony and engage your listeners, which is the opposite of what you want. Keep your message devoid of examples, stories, or analogies that might make it relatable or interesting.

8. Put Your Language Toolbox Away: These Tools Are Trouble

Why bother with literary devices? Metaphors, similes, alliteration, and analogies only complicate things. Stick to saying the same thing in the same way without any creative flair. Alternatively, grab a thesaurus and use unnecessarily complex language that leaves your audience scratching their heads. The average American reads at a 7th to 8th grade level, so talking over their heads with dense or dry language is a surefire way to bore them to tears.

9. Preach Until You’re Done: You Have the Microphone; Take Your Time!

Who says sermons need to be concise? If people can sit through a 3-hour movie, surely they can endure your marathon sermon. Keep preaching until you’re done, no matter how long it takes. By ignoring time limits, you’ll build up the spiritual stamina of your congregation – or more likely, lose their attention as their minds wander and they turn to their cellphones. Lengthy sermons almost always guarantee a loss of interest.

10. Avoid Jesus at All Costs: Give Them the Meat!

Why focus on Jesus? We’re all Christians here. We’ve heard it all before. Instead of talking about Jesus' sacrifice, life, and love, dive into other topics that seem more “meaty.” Exalting Jesus might draw people in, but if your goal is to be boring, it’s best to steer clear of His story. Focus on peripheral issues and leave the central message of Christianity out of it.

Conclusion: Keeping It Interesting.

On the off-chance that you want to avoid boring your congregation to tears, consider doing the opposite of what I’ve written here. Infuse your sermons with prayer, clarity, relatability, and substance. Add variety, use illustrations and language tools effectively, be mindful of time, and, above all, focus on Jesus. Passionate, engaging sermons will not only keep your congregation awake but will also inspire and transform lives.

Gamal Alexander serves as Pastor of the Rockville Church in Rockville, Maryland.